June 07, 2006

5 reasons to "Go Wahabi"

  1. If you happen to be a woman and still not gotten that driver's license although you're way past 25, don't fret. According to Wahabism in Saudi you ain't allowed to drive anyway so no more feeling embarrassed about your lack of license, instead you will gain the respect of your fellow Wahabis in not only not driving, but not knowing how to drive as well. What piety! (Arab News article here)
  2. If you're a man and you really wanna save money, Wahabism is the way to go. How you ask? Well, you can use your old pants, or even your younger sibling's or children's pants, because they are supposed to be short on you and reach just above your ankles. Now you don't have to feel embarrassed that you look like Steve Urkel, and also, imagine the money you save being able to use the pants you once wore when you were 12?
  3. If you're a girl and you happen to be lazy, I have the solution for you. Go Wahabi. Next time your mom tells you to go to the shop to buy milk you can simply say "Mom, I am not allowed to leave the home without a male member (mahram) of the family accompanying me". Now your brother will have to go every time while you sit at home chilling. Great isn't it?
  4. If you're a woman who is conscious about protecting your skin from ageing or even cancer, well then there is no better sun screen than wahabilotion. Make sure you find a nice thick cloth (preferably black and synthetic so you sweat to death in the 50 degree sunshine) and cover your whole body and face, one eye is allowed open for the sake of seeing where you're going although popping on a pair of black sunglasses will enhance the look. No wrinkles, no cancer.
  5. Last but not least, to all the unmarried girls out there who are tired of feeling compelled to exercise and learn Pilates, yoga (haram haram) and aerobics, Wahabism has catered to your needs. Like in schools in Saudi Arabia where exercise is forbidden for girls so as not to make their hymen break out of "strenuous activity", you can now feel good about popping that Hershey Bar in your mouth while flicking the channels on the satellite dish. (Arab News article here)

And they say Wahabism is oppressive to women! Look at all the perks...


Anonymous said...

r u sure wat u r saying is true?i dont understand ur point?r u trying to taunt wahabis or u just dont agree wid them?wats the idea

Boo! said...

errrr... a bold post, to say the least. I'm not sure if a lot of this among the original teachings of Wahiabism or interpretations of the current Ulema.

I am not at all read in these issues actually, so can't say for sure. Maybe one say I'll find out and have a more productive comment to make on such a post :)

Anonymous said...

oh come on you dont have to take everything literally.

It does say that a womans place is in her house but it dosent ban working if you want to, you just have to follow certain guidelines. Thats all.

Samawel said...

hehe... them Ulema would grit their teeth in anger.

hail bold post! :)

Shaykhspeara Sha'ira said...

Salams everyone. Let me explain.

The following five points I made are based on reality and real life. I don't hate wahabis (salafis as they are also known as). However I don't agree with them.

Point one: Saudi (a wahhabi ruled religious state) has banned driving for women. Reason being, they would me more mobile and it would lead to more "fitna". Blame it on the women, naturally.

Point two: The Salafi (wahhabi) men who live in sweden and Europe for that matter, can be found out just by looking at their dress. Short pants always.

Point three: Many women married to salafi or wahhabi men, are recommended not even to go buy milk at the store without a man. Many of my friends turned salafi (wahhabi) and i see them no more. They cannot leave their house alone. I must go there or else we don't meet.

Point 4: According to allllll wahhabi literature I have read, and q&a sites, and ofcourse watching my dear friends turn to this ideology and covering up everything here in the west, a woman must cover her face..some will even go as far as saying only one hole can be open for her eyes, ONE hole.

Point five: Saudi banned exercise for girls in school. You can read about it on Nzingha's Soapbox on my blog roll. Strenuous activity might lead to the virgin girls breaking their hymen apparently.

I don't have to do anything, to make wahabism sound outrageous, or to make fun of it. Everything is basedon real life, how real people practice this ideology, even in the west.

I like to see life with humour, especially the really depressing aspects of it. And unfortunately, wahabism, salafism is one of those depressing elements, that make me wonder why, why, and yet again why.

I hope that makes things very clear. I am not interested in discussing the fundaments of ibn Wahab... I am sure there are many positive aspects as well, however, the real world the real people learn nothing but this from following this very shallow form of religious expression.

If all this is not according to wahabism, then I can't wait for that book to be printed that will tell all its followers that they have been practcing the religion wrongly... That would give me hope.

Arabized said...

hahaha thats so funny!

Ok everybody needs to chill, its hilarious!

ss you get +324323454345 kudos points :)

loved this post.

Shaykhspeara Sha'ira said...

Hala biz! I'm glad you could see the point(s). :)

Aarfin said...